My Thyroid Cancer Journey

Recently someone asked if I had written my cancer story yet, and I had typed up some things in a word document, but today, I want to share most of my journey with you from having thyroid cancer.

This may end up quite long, but I wanted to write it and maybe help someone else facing the same thing, or maybe facing cancer of another kind too.

Before being diagnosed with thyroid cancer, my routine was about the same, but my mental state was a lot different. Through this experience, I’ve become open to love way more than ever before. That probably sounds so weird, but before, I feel like I would hold grudges, was in pain for other’s “doing me wrong,” and just not experiencing happiness.

I pray more now, and have a better relationship with my Creator than ever before. It’s really true when you go through something huge, it shakes you at your core and makes you reevaluate everything in your life.

One day, as a friend was over, we were chatting, and my neck was itching, so I scratched it. There happened to be a large lump on my neck, and I had thought it was swollen from my then 3 year old screaming in my ear and causing inflammation near my lymph node.

After about 2 months of my husband and friends telling me to get it checked out, I finally went to see the doctor. He felt around, wrote stuff down, and said he was referring me to an endocrinologist, and that I’d probably be seeing her rather quickly. Two days later, I was sitting in her office. Again, another doctor feeling it, putting pressure on it, writing notes, and then a subtle smile of comfort.

Her words struck me like lightening hitting a tree in the middle of a field. I felt broken. She said it needs to be biopsied as soon as possible, she thinks it is thyroid cancer.

I was only 33 years old. How could I have cancer? What did I do wrong? Did I eat too much fast food? Did I not do for others enough in my life? Did I not drink enough water? I know I didn’t eat healthy, so I asked if it could be related to my way of eating or living. She said no, it’s hereditary. Well, not for this chick! No one in my family has had thyroid cancer. Then she tells me not to worry, we still need to do the biopsy to confirm her suspicions.

Fantastic. Thanks for telling me this. Now my mind is going 100 miles a minute, because I have no clue what happens to people with thyroid cancer. I get home and do some research and some people say “it’s the easy cancer,” which actually comforted me at the time.

I schedule the biopsy, which is a month out, thanks for that soonest appointment. HA! So I wait. I do mad research, constantly looking up stuff about thyroid cancer. Google is not always your friend, just sayin.

Finally get to the biopsy, and they prop me back so weird to expose this now gigantic bulge on my neck. I swear it felt like I was a man with a big ole’ Adam’s apple. He sticks me multiple times, and says my doctor will be in contact with me for the results, and that 97% of the time, it’s just a non-cancerous goiter and nothing more than that.

The next two days were awful. The worry that overcomes you, the stress, the not knowing what the hell is about to happen, all comes crashing down on you at one time.

My phone rings. It’s her. She wants to personally see me today at 3 pm. It was 11 am. Que sinking stomach here. I remember just falling to the floor after I hung up, called my husband and told him we had to go see the doctor at 3, he was going with me, I didn’t care how he got out of work, but he was going daggumit.

We walk into her office and she greets me so kindly. I really liked her, even though she gave me awful news that day. The biopsy results said it was roughly 50-75% cancerous. Her suggestion was to do surgery to remove the thyroid, along with the cancerous tissue, as soon as possible. Guess what I said? I said, “not until my daughter gets married in June. I won’t do anything about this until after I see her get married.” The thought of not knowing what would happen in surgery, or the radiation she spoke of, gave me a pit in my stomach like I’ve never had before.

That’s right, through all of this, our oldest daughter and I were planning her wedding. She took the reigns for most of it, with her soon to be mother-in-law, because she had visions of what she wanted, and most of the time, I’d offer suggestions that she just didn’t want. Which ended up OK by me, since my body literally felt like it was falling apart.

Our brains have power, people. Serious power. I felt like I was falling apart, I felt like I was going to die, and slowly that was what was happening to my physical body.

After my daughter and now son-in-law’s beautiful wedding, I set up the surgery.

I still remember goofing off with my family that morning when I went to have it done. I tried making light of it, but inside I knew this was a big deal. I was about to have a vital organ cut from my body. What I was about to undergo would change the rest of my life. I remember the lady, or maybe it was a guy, I was drugged, forgive me, but she/he said count to 10 backwards and boy that messed me up. I was like, um, I don’t think I could count to 10 forwards at this moment because whatever you gave me has me feeling high as a kite dude!

The surgery was supposed to take roughly 3 hours, and ended up taking over 6. Still not sure what happened that day, but something happened with my heart.

All I know is, I woke up to my sweet family just standing there looking at me, and a friend from church I hadn’t seen in a long time, and the first thing I said was it was so good to see her!

The doctor sent me home the next day to recover at home. I had a few prescriptions I had to start taking immediately, and to call with any questions, and watch for a list of side effects.

The next day, some side effects started to happen, like my face and hands became numb and tingly, which was one that they kept reiterating while I was in the hospital to watch for. We called the doctor and they said to come in to the Emergency Room. So here we go. We tell the front nurse about my surgery, they get us back and we wait for blood to be drawn. The doctor on call told me to take extra calcium and go home, it would be OK.

The next day, I do as he says, but it’s worse. This time, I pop a pain pill just to sleep it off because being numb and tingly is no fun at all. I wake up to barely being able to move my fingers, and my face so numb I could hardly speak. I text my husband who is upstairs with our 18 month old daughter, who used to co-sleep with us, but we didn’t want her accidentally kicking my neck, or trying to nurse with the drugs they had me on. Trying to text with your thumb is super difficult, but I did it. I said “come here.” He said “you ok?” and all I could type was “no.”

As he walked in the bedroom, I was trying like crazy to put my pants on so we could go to the emergency room yet again, but I couldn’t even put them on because my hands and arms were so stiff, they couldn’t move to even do something so basic for myself. He helps me put them on and the ride there felt like it was literally 2 seconds. My husband had to physically carry me into the ER since by that time, my legs had hardened as well.

I remember them asking me questions, but I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t see. I could barely hear. My whole body hard hardened up, and I was unable to move anything on my body, not even wiggle my toes.

They get me back to a room, helped me on the bed, and I remember hearing my husband correct the guy that is giving me an IV, since he’s in the medical field. Which by the way, when your body is hard as a rock, I’m sure it’s super difficult to insert the IV in the first place! That thing came out wonky when I finally left the hospital, and hurt like crazy.

It was so hard to breathe; it literally felt like an elephant was sitting on my whole body squishing me. Apparently they had given me an oxygen mask, my husband told me, and my husband literally said “breathe in, breathe out” probably 200 or more times while we waited for the blood work to come back, and they figure out what to do.

It was my calcium. Even though I was taking double the amount, per the doctor the night before, it wasn’t enough. Normal calcium ranges are from 8.0-10.0, and mine was at 0.7. My body was literally paralyzed from not having enough calcium in my body. I was diagnosed with hypocalcemia, not to be confused with hypoglycemia. Two very different things and I still to this day have to correct someone who is writing down my health history. They always think I’m saying the latter. Maybe it’s my Charlotte, NC accent, or maybe they don’t hear that word enough, because I’m one of the few to have this happen to them after a thyroidectomy.

I laid there crying and praying like I’d never before. At that moment, the God I served was standing right beside me, and I actually felt Him. I’ve worshipped this Being just about all my life, but never felt something so powerful come over me until that moment.

I prayed, “Father God, I beg you, allow me to stay here with my family! I haven’t done what you wanted nor needed me to do with this life you gave me. I haven’t finished raising my children. I know there’s got to be something you created me for, and it’s not to take me out like this!”

All I could do was cry and pray, and listen to my husband say “breathe in, breathe out” and actually try to physically do what he said to do, just so I could stay alive. It literally was so hard to figure out how to do as he said. Even though breathing usually comes so naturally.

Once they infused me with 3 or 4 bags of liquid calcium, I finally was able to move my pinky finger, and oh my goodness, the relief and joy of being able to feel that small movement was so joyous, I still get goose bumps today talking about it! Within an hour, I could feel my legs and the rest of my body, so I asked my husband to wheel me to the bathroom. I was not prepared to see what I saw in that mirror as I was washing my hands after using the restroom. My face was literally distorted. My mouth was on the left side nearest my cheek, and my eyes were drooping. I looked like I had had a stroke.

With all the heart monitors on me, my heart was a huge concern of theirs and I had no idea. I could feel weird things happening inside my body, but I couldn’t pinpoint anything to make the doctors understand. I remember constantly thinking and saying that I felt heavy.

After spending four days in the hospital with the doctors trying to get me on the right dosage of calcium, I had this happen a few more times, and the fear that would come over me as it started was downright awful. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, I swear it. A sweet nurse that was there most of the time with me comforted me like no other. She and I are actually still friends today because of everything she did for me while I was in there, and the connection we made.

While in the hospital, the doctor that did my surgery came in to visit me. She had received the test results, and it was confirmed for papillary carcinoma. No one was there with me when I got the news in that moment, so I reached out to a friend who is a breast cancer survivor, and her response was one I’ll never forget. “Oh Jamie, I’m so sorry, but you are going to look back and be so thankful for all of this!” I think I ugly cried when she said that, because in that moment, I couldn’t see why or how, but I have seen it since.

Finally able to go home, with two other types of calcium, discontinuing the one the other doctor had me on, I was instructed to now take 16 pills a day. Now, I don’t know about you, but I was the type to not even want to take acetaminophen when I had a headache, and now I have to take this many pills a day just to survive and NOT go through that again? Well, I did it.

Over the last four years, I’ve been able to reduce my intake to only 7 pills a day, not counting any supplements I choose to take on top of my “mandatory” medicine.

Radiation was the next big obstacle to overcome.

After my scan to see if they got all the cancer with just surgery, apparently I lit up like a Christmas tree, and it was still there. I had multiple cancerous tumors removed, a 5 cm, 3 cm, 1 cm and 8 mm. So even though all of those came out, the cancer was not gone.

Gut shot again. So now it’s time for radiation.

I couldn’t do the radiation treatment at home, because I had little ones, and the amount that I needed would interfere with their eggs for my future grandchildren. I wasn’t about to let that happen. No way!

So, into the hospital I went to take a pill handed to me by a lady with a lead cover over her front, gloves like she was mining, and I wasn’t allowed to touch it with my skin, but yet I was allowed to swallow it. Imagine the thoughts that ran through my mind. I couldn’t touch it, but it was allowed to go into my throat and sensitive organs? This bewildered me.

I take it, sign a book, and they leave the room, and all I could think of was the song, Radioactive. LOL! I was alone for almost 6 full days. The room beside me was quarantined because my radiation levels were too high for anyone to be treated in there. I literally had a sign on my door, and no one was allowed in my room, unless they were bringing me food, and had less than 2 minutes to be in the room, don’t pass the line or they would take radiation out into the hospital and cause problems for others. They were instructed to set my food down and leave. No conversations, nothing.

Did I mention I am not usually alone? This was not my normal, and was the weirdest thing ever. I don’t think I could be stranded on an island by myself. I crave conversation and hugs!

It was going on day 2 or 3, and I couldn’t lie down because when I did, I stopped breathing. My throat had swollen so big that my breathing had become impaired. I called the doctor in; he wore a timer, had me self diagnose, as he stood at the door, and walked away before the timer went off. He was there and gone in less than 2 minutes. No help at all, just a “call us again if you need us.” Seriously? I just called, but you’ve done nothing. I want to breathe. I want to sleep without worrying if I’m not going to wake up.

I laid there and cried so hard, trying to breathe through the tears. Luckily I had brought my radio, because silence and I just don’t get enough time together, so I have to have background noise. Of course I had on my K-Love music. Just as I was laying there and praying, I saw a beautiful vision of a garden with my Grandma sitting on a bench just across a bridge. She smiled at me, and shook her head no to me, as if I was not allowed to cross. I said in my head, I just want to know if I’m going to live through this, this is the worst ever! Just then, the song by Mandisa, “Overcomer” came on the radio.

“Overcomer”

Staring at a stop sign
Watching people drive by
T Mac on the radio
Got so much on your mind
Nothing’s really going right
Looking for a ray of hope

Whatever it is you may be going through
I know He’s not gonna let it get the best of you

[Chorus:]

You’re an overcomer
Stay in the fight ‘til the final round
You’re not going under
‘Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it’s hopeless
That’s when He reminds You
That you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Everybody’s been down
Hit the bottom, hit the ground
Ooh, you’re not alone
Just take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises
He wants You to know

[Chorus]

The same Man, the Great I am
The one who overcame death
He’s living inside of You
So just hold tight, fix your eyes
On the one who holds your life
There’s nothing He can’t do
He’s telling you

(Take a breath, don’t forget
Hang on to His promises)

[Chorus]

You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

So don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
Don’t quit, don’t give in, you’re an overcomer
You’re an overcomer

Now, I don’t know about you, but that was the sign I needed to cling onto hope. From my Father above, and my Grandmother, that it was not my time, my life is not over yet, to push through and I’ll see light on the other side of this.

Ironically, I watched a movie about a year and a half after this experience about a little girl falling down the middle of a tree, and she describes the exact same thing in her vision. I literally watched that movie and broke down crying. It gave me chills that I was that close to heaven.

For the following month after receiving radioactive iodine, a type of radiation, I had to sleep alone upstairs, and our children, nor my husband could be around me for too long, since my levels were still too high. They couldn’t even use the same bathroom as me, talk about feeling like a science experiment gone wrong! Hahaha!

My body continued to hurt so much that I could barely move some days. I felt heavy again, and could feel something was off inside. It was then that I finally was able to understand how people said to listen to your body, it gives us signals. Well, the signals I was receiving were awful.

All of this has shown me how fragile life is, and how at any moment we can be gone. It is my desire to make others feel loved and cherished, like so many loved and cherished me through my difficult time.

There’s no reason to have walls up anymore, it’s time to tear it down and LOVE like God loves us. It’s time to give more of ourselves to others without expecting anything in return, and I hope and pray that I’m like this every single day He allows me to stay on this earth with the ones I love so much.

I still have hard days, even went to the opposite side of hypocalcemia to hypercalcemia, and was hospitalized again and on seizure and coma watch because my calcium levels hit 15.9. It’s a daily struggle, and definitely hasn’t been an easy cancer, but most definitely far from the worst. And I’m officially cancer free!

This whole journey opened my eyes to better health, and while doing better for myself, I’ve been able to help others in their journey as well. I guess you could say I found my calling because of this cancer.

I know this was super long, and if you are still with me after all of that, I appreciate you reading my story. I really hope it helps you as you face some difficulties in your own life. Just know that everything has a purpose to help us to grow into who we were created to be.

And if you’ve experienced something similar, I would love to hear your story. Feel free to leave a comment below or reach out to me on Facebook.