As a mom of five, there have been times of some serious struggle up in here, up in here. Yep, just sang that. I apologize for the earworm.
Just being real with you.
Over the years, I’ve come to realize that there can be joyful parenting, and I feel like I finally have that in my grasp, well, most days.
Today I want to share a few simple tips to get the joy back into your parenting. These are some simple things I’ve done and continue to do. I will be the first to tell you that I’m not a perfect parent, but I do have a great relationship with my children. They come to me with issues, even the ones a parent doesn’t want to hear, and they trust that I have their best interest at heart.
Our children literally want us to be present when they need us.
Our children literally want us to be present when they need us.As I sit here typing this, my 16 year old came in here asking me questions about an upcoming event she’s about to go to. So, I stopped typing and faced her to speak about it. She may not have needed me any further than to reassure her that all will be OK, but after she got what she needed, she went back to doing what she was doing before she needed me in that moment.
The coolest thing is, they love us just as we are, and just want us to genuinely care about them and what they have to say, especially as they are learning to claim their independence and trying to take a stand towards adulthood.
Having one-on-one time with each child is also important.
Even if you spend just 15 minutes a day one-on-one with them, it will make a world of difference for your household. If you’re seeking harmony and love in your home, start implementing this little practice into your daily habits, and see what this little bit of time can do to transform your home environment.
There’s no need to make extravagant plans during this time, just be yourself and let them be themselves.
Oh, and make sure you are cell phone free as you focus, chat and laugh with each child individually. I know that darn thing dings and chimes and vibrates, but it’ll be there later, our babies are only in our care for what seems like a blink of an eye.
I’ve been responding to a friend, and one of my girls starts talking as I’m in the middle of a conversation via text, and oh boy, things blow up fast with teenagers. LOL They get to do this SnapChat and Instagram stuff, chat with their friends, but when they need us, it’s hammer time y’all.
But the cool thing is, you’re a mom, I’m a mom, we seem to all understand and allow grace to each other. I never take offense if someone doesn’t respond to me right away because I get that they have children, or might be busy, and they will understand if we don’t respond right away too.
Another thing I feel we as mommas must do is to take care of ourselves.
Just as we are taught to put our own oxygen mask on first, we have to care for ourselves to be a loving and joyful parent too. So if you are unbalanced, as I have totally been before, bring yourself out of the crazy, write down your goals and priorities, and find your balance, so you can be the best momma you can be.
Finding balance will probably be another post, so stay tuned, as this has been one of my biggest struggles in life, and I tend to share what I go through and what works and doesn’t work for me. 😉
Emotional roller-coasters don’t have to be detrimental to your home environment.
I’m curious, do you hide your emotions from your children? Or do you allow them to see your emotions so they can see how you handle or resolve them?
I honestly feel that if we allow them to see us angry, maybe fuss and go nuts, then come back and apologize for our behavior, then they see it go full circle and can do the same. We know they will go through all the emotions, and I truly feel it is safe to be vulnerable and allow them to see how we handle them in real life situations.
How else will they learn?
Good heavens above, my five year old still has occasional meltdowns. The most beautiful thing is, after she has a fit, she comes over to me, hugs me, tells me she loves me, that she’s really sorry for getting so angry, and would I please forgive her. Now how would she have known to do that if she didn’t see me have my own version of a meltdown too? She has seen how I come to each of them and ask for forgiveness, especially if I was a total grump and snapped at them.
I’m not perfect, and they aren’t either. I feel it is so important to allow them to face and experience authentic emotions, to help them grow as individuals.
And one final thought that I really want to share with you is this.
Each child has their own sense of purpose and passion in life. Allow them to freely explore these, and always encourage learning.
Yes, I’m a homeschool mom, so most of us that homeschool naturally allow these things to happen, as I’m sure my mom friends who don’t homeschool do too! There have been times when I’ve heard a parent (homeschooler or not) say to their child that states what they want to do when they grow up, “You could do so much more with your life.”
That breaks my heart. And the look on the child’s face is devastation. It’s not fair, and I feel in a world that isn’t always fair, they should feel like there is some hope at least in their own home, with the ones they love most.
What if that’s what they’re supposed to do? Don’t you think they’vegives them joy? What if saying that to them stops them from pursuing something even greater?
It could just be a stepping stone to what they’ll end up doing with their life, as far as a career is concerned. Just take a step back, and allow it to blossom.
For instance, my 16 year old wants to be a tattoo artist when she grows up. Now, I could totally rock her world and be like, really? But I refuse. She is a very talented artist, and always has been. So instead, I encourage art school, or buy her drawing pads and pencils. I want her to pursue her dream, and push on towards that goal if that’s what she truly wants to do. And heck, maybe she’ll give me my next tattoo! Haha!
In closing, if you want a more joyful approach to parenting, instead of fighting and chaos, it starts with you. Your attention, your reactions, your love.
They will probably forget our words, but they will never forget how we made them feel.
It’s not an easy road to be a momma in this day and time, but you’ve got this.
Sending love your way, momma!!
